Life is Complicated: Friends

Soon you’ll realize that you are lonely among many people. You are not alone, yet your loneliness lingers in between fragments of your life.

Having a friend is something that can be considered as a privilege nowadays. Some people aren’t brave enough to socialize, some don’t know how to, and some just don’t bother. If you have at least one friend then congratulation, you’ve made your life more complicated.

No silly, you can’t download a friend. Or at least until this writing is published. You gain new friends and lose some as you grow older. You probably have a friend that you’ve met when you were younger, and you still contact them until now. You might also have that one friend from elementary school that shares the same hobby as yours. You chase each other, play together, or go to the park while holding each others’ hands. That was the definition of a friend, right? I thought so too until I entered this dark world called Being an Adult.

I grew up moving from one place to another, one country to another, meeting a lot of new people. I either forget them the day we met, choose to contact them almost everyday, or tell them stories all the time. No matter where they are from, what their background is, or what language they speak, I always treat people like how they treat me. With this I found out the people I met when I am older, the more serious ‘business’ they actually have. For example let’s say I met this guy called John when I was 5. We might have been friends when we played football together. All we had in mind was probably ‘meet, play football, go home’ and something similar to those. Nothing complicated like ‘I think I’m going to support this football club and tell him when we meet’. Everything changes when I reached a certain age.

So being an adult is like running out of your free trial service; you have the knowledge of what to do, but not enough to survive without paying the cost. In my case, I had to let go of some of my friends from my life. It is painful, but that’s the cost I have to pay. I don’t intentionally let them go, but when they don’t need me yet or they have not made contact in years, I would simply not bother to contact them. This doesn’t mean I completely forget about them, I just don’t have the time to greet each one of them from time to time.

I like having friends, since many friends means many connections, and many connections means your life would somehow be easier. Being an adult made me realize that this is achievable, but in so little case. I don’t think I could do it. Having many friends that you greet every now and then would mean that you have to keep up with the conversation. This is simply not possible for me since I don’t think I have the time to do that. I jumped to the conclusion that if I don’t need them I don’t have the obligation to contact them, and this applies to my friends too. I don’t necessarily need them to contact me unless they need me. I feel fine with that. Some people don’t. That’s fine too.

So, the where’s the dark part? You know when you disagree as a kid with your friend and you would hate each other for few days then forgot about what happened the day after? Yeah that rarely occurs in adulthood. Someone has to start apologizing to the other to keep the friendship intact, but due to some people’s ego this seldom happens. Also, when you forgave someone as a kid, you actually meant it. You will hold no grudge whatsoever and kept playing as usual the next day. Being an adult is a different stuff. Sometimes people will forgive you, but they will never forget a single detail of your mistake. The more mistake you’ve made, the more you realize that you wish you have as few friends as possible.

I did not say that we should not make any more friends when we reach adulthood. I’m just saying that we all should be cautious in choosing someone that will be our friend. We have to set boundaries to the things that we will share with our new friends. We should be more careful about our actions since the consequences as an adult will have a bigger impact than when we were a kid.

Life is Complicated: Friends
Day 262